Category Archives: identity

Identity Revealed

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In the African community, most often our parents imposed on us the kind of careers we must have, the type of man/woman we are to marry and even the kind of house we are to live in, all before we graduate high school. I’m sure many other races deal with these issues as well, but I can only speak for myself on this matter. I titled this piece identity revealed because knowing who you are, requires you to dig beyond the surface. Here is my definition of identity broken down. . .

I= you/me

Dent= a substance, or something having weight

Ty= something of quality

So all together the definition of Identity is THE QUALITY OF THE SUBSTANCE WITHIN YOU

As you can see, this definition differs from the dictionaries definition, the dictionaries definition speaks of identity as a sameness of character/person in all situations, which is true, but this definition requires you to dig a bit deeper, WHAT IS THE SUBSTANCE WITHIN YOU? CAN YOU IDENTIFY WITH IT? there is a bible verse that says, “the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world” 1 John 4:4. If I cannot identify with this spirit, then how can I overcome the world? The truth is, I can’t! what’s going to happen is, the world will give me a counterfeit spirit to identify with. This is emotional, sensitive, clingy, ugly, friendly, lazy, fearful, shy. The importance of knowing the substance within you is to not accept what the world has to offer. Some people who are diagnosed with mental illness such as depression stay in that depressed state because they have accepted the fact that they are depressed! let me tell you,, you are not who the world says you are! you do not have anger issues, you are not irrational, you are not sensitive, you are not annoying, you are not controlling, you are not ugly, you are not easy,  you are not timid! my dear, you ARE  a work in progress!! accept God’s version of you. You are worthy! You are beautiful! you are strong! you have power! you are loved! You are Wonderful! You are wanted! You have self-control! You are appreciated! You are special! You are unique! You are who Christ says you are, your identity is found in him and him alone, you are because HE is. I feel so liberated writing this piece, because it alleviates so much pressure off my shoulders. I am no longer compelled to designing my character to fit other people’s expectations of me. My identity is not dependent on the opinions of others, I’ve realized that the more others tell you who you are, the more you start behaving in that manner. And as soon as you decide to do you, you are all of a sudden changing or being fake!  As long as you are not blatantly disrespecting anybody, DO You! Be a God pleaser! It’s not fair to be pleasing everybody else except the one who deserves the pleasing! Get to know God, and you will get to know You!

with Love

Temilola, HisBeloved


For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ ~ Galatians 1:10






The definition of identity is described as “sameness of essential or generic character in different instances” meaning…. Being the same person everywhere you go, with everyone you meet and in all situations. Today, everyone claims to be real, but what really is real? ….Real is defined in the dictionary as a “substance or thing that is not an imitation or artificial.” So, let’s talk about realness and identity, to be real, your identity or your character must be genuine; not an ideology of whom you desire yourself to be. Most times we are so caught up on social media and comparing ourselves to others that in a way we create an image for ourselves that resembles what we think others might want to see or an identity that fits into this worlds image. We get lost in the world of fashion, trends, fitness, makeup, religion! That deep down we truly do not know who we are! Our identities are no longer our own but that of the worlds, its like we all sold our souls to this imaginary god of approval. and in exchange, it controls our primary decisions, such as what we should wear, how we should walk, talk, eat, who we should hang with, what we should watch, who we should date, how our relationships should be. The list goes on and on, only for us to still have the attitude of the grass being greener on the other side.  and deep down all we want is for someone to really notice us, to notice our true self, the one that so desperately yearns for love unconditionally. The truth is we are all flawed, every single one of us and we mask those flaws by seeking acceptance from others who are flawed in a different way than we are. For example, I would much rather have a flaw in my attitude than my physical features, you know what i mean?? it seems like the average looking chicks with a good attitude, and a fear of God are chose last or kept on a back burner for future references. We are the type of chicks that dudes would love to marry but somehow, we can never get them to commit. Instead, they run after the girls who know how to edit and filter a pic. Those girls with long beachy hair and nice thick curves, that wears enough makeup to make it seem like they’re not wearing any make-up (like yooo!!) and wear outfits that would make you think twice about your whole wardrobe. Yup! Those girls that would kill an average chicks self-esteem in a second. Fortunately, all that shines is not gold, these girls are just as flawed as I am, they have daddy issues, anxiety, depression, issues with self-worth, and so much more. So, you see, we are all hurting, damaged, and terrified, but how do we express these attitudes to a world that suppresses such emotions as attention-seeking or needy? The truth is, we don’t. Instead, we deal with these issues by using drugs and having sex or idealizing others who “seem” to have it all together. Sadly, this is the only output the world gives us. We don’t get to complain, we don’t get to voice our opinions, we don’t get to express our innate desires, because doing so would only mean that I am “trying” to be different. So here… smoke a blunt have some sex and chill out! And if you’re religious, say a prayer and read some scripture. Everyone’s got issues, what makes you so different?!

In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity ~ Erik Erikson

with sincere love

Temilola, HisBeloved